Consistent Inconcistency

Has it really been a year and a half since last I blogged? Well then, I guess it is time for me to record my thoughts on a semi-regular basis again for a couple of months. Not much has changed for me in the last year or so. That might sound odd knowing that my wife left me with two kids or discovering that I had to leave a job and city I love to move back in with my parents in the middle of nowhere just to make ends meet. One might argue that my EVERYTHING has changed for me in the past 12 months, but I feel that I am pretty much the same person. However, everything is about to change for me. I am now working on fixing the things that I should have tended to before I ever got married. Now that I am completely settled in and life is beginning to stablize, things are about to really change.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I find it interesting that Frost entitled his poem the road not taken. Suggesting, I suppose, that it is just as important to not choose one as it is to choose the other. I have just made one of the hardest decisions of my life. And in not choosing what I did, I have found peace and relaxation. In not choosing one, I accepted myself and who I am. In not choosing one, I came to terms with the reality of me. Perhaps the things we eschew say more about us than the things we embrace. Either way, I have found that I can fully enjoy the beauty of the path I'm on. And that will make all the difference.

April, Come She Will

Variations on: April, Come She Will

by Simon and Garfunkel

"April come she will
When streams are ripe and swelled with rain;"

Spring rekindles hope anew within me. I am constantly renewed with hope for life. A beautiful life. A pure life. A hope I dare not invest in. Unspoiled, like the blossoming fields or newborn children. Fresh with hope for a better tomorrow.


"May, she will stay,
Resting in my arms again."

As spring moves into summer, I feel myself try to hold on to that purity. I want to grasp the hope. Inadvertently I begin to crush it with my fear. The longing I have to be innocent again begins to soil that which was once also pure.


"June, she'll change her tune,
In restless walks she'll prowl the night;"

All too predictably hope becomes listless when faith wanes. And forsaking me, leaves the hole deeper and darker than it ever could have been without her.


"July, she will fly
And give no warning to her flight."

Thus sullied, hope leaves for good. As suddenly as she appeared, she disappears.


"August, die she must,
The autumn winds blow chilly and cold;
September I'll remember
A love once new has now grown old."

Dying thusly is seems impossible to imagine how, or if, I will make it through the winter. Perhaps this time, I will not.

Begin with the end in mind

One of the chapters of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Chapter 2, I believe) begins with the author, Steven Covey urging the reader to picture himself at his own funeral. Covey uses this exercise to try and help the reader focus on the important things, with the intention of prioritizing life and making your true values your priority. I fundamentally agree with Covey and completely understand the point of the exercise, but the practicality of thinking of the end, for me, is futile. I wish I knew what was going to happen, or what should happen or what I want to happen. What I have found, though, as I try to visualize "the end" is that it does not exist in realistic terms for me. The funeral home is always fuzzy and it is sunny and the people at the funeral are all people that knew my grandparents, as those are the only people I've ever seen go to funerals.
I think that a more effective way to approach day to day living, for me at least, is to follow my Dad's advice: You know what is right, do it. I think we all spend too much time overthinking everything in life when the actuality of it is very simple. We all know what is right. We all know what we should do. Instead of rationalizing our behavior or making excuses for ourselves on why we should be able to do something that we know is bad, we should all "Do The Right Thing."

We have seen the enemy, And he is us

"We have seen the enemy. . .And he is us . . ."
Pogo . . .Okeefenokee Swamp, 1958. (Walt Kelly)

The single biggest problem in the world today is lack of self-control. The ability for each one of us to keep our own actions in check has eroded to the point of a national crisis. There are long lists of problems that can be traced back to a lack of self control, from adultery and Abuse to Overeating and Sloth, almost no one is immune to problems stemming from a lack of personal control. I guess my suggestion for a solution is that we should each focus more on ourselves instead of trying to mandate society to fix our problems. It seems like we in the United States are trying to force the government to make decisions for us that we should be making on our own, and then blaming the government when we mess up. Newsflash: You are responsible for your life. No one else cares if you succeed or not, nor should they. They have to be busy taking care of their own business. And once everyone realizes that they must take responsibility for themselves and stops trying to remove sawdust from others eyes while having planks in their own, we will all be better off. So my pledge to you is to take care of my own business and trust you to take care of yours. Good luck.